do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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