can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
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He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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