Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
