i just identified you from a description of your pipe
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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