If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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