it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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