Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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