Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
