We're facebook friends in real life
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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