Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
