my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your cock deserves a montage
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
