Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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