I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
