Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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