Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
