I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
