Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So squirting runs in the family.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
