i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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