My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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