I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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