Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
