i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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