Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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