a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
