you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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