I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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