We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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