and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have fence marks all over my body
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
