That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
