How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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