Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
