let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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