If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
