i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
