if you like me you must not know who I am
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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