I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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