I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
