Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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