We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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