i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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