I met the friendliest cop last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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