forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
