It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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