So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
