actually, I'm a sock model
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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