dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
