After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
