If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
