Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
