Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
