Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
