Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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