i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
