Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
