he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
