about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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