The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
