i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
