??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
