He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
