I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
