oh god the rape fog is back!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
