Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
