I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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