Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
