thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
