My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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