if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
