ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
