You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
home. puking in laundry basket.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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