I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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