Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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