Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
