there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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