no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
