My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
