New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
