the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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