O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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